Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Where have I been?

I’ve been seriously MIA lately. This has been a little bit of a tough summer for me. I’ve been extremely restless. I haven’t traveled beyond visiting family since I moved here almost 2 years old. I’ve been feeling a strong need to travel for the last few months. I’ve also been feeling restless about my future. Logan is almost 11 and once he moves out (which I know is still 8 years away), I’m going back to work full-time. If I’m going back to work full time at 48, I’m going to do something I want to do. I’m just not sure what that is. The college I’m teaching for will let me get a degree for free if I teach for them for another year after I finish my degree. I’ve spent a few months trying to figure out if I want to pursue a degree, if I want to commit to this job for the next 4 years, and if I do what do I want to get a degree in. I know I need to be more than I am now, but deciding the direction of that is tough!

This restlessness had lead to a very short attention span over the last few months. I honestly don’t have the focus to read other people’s blogs. I’ve gotten really into Facebook because it fits the attention span I have now. I’ve even had to start reading kids books because I can finish those before I lose interest. On the upside, I’ve found a really good kid’s series. But this short attention span has me worried about possibly going back to school. I’m not sure I’ll have the patience to do all the reading and write the papers.

I’ve also been feeling like a homesteading failure. My garden amounted to nothing again this summer. The weeds got up to my shoulders before Mark weed wacked them for me. I got a handful of green beans and that is it. I also gave up on milking the goat after struggling with her to get a few ounces of milk each day. At least I don’t have to worry about the egg recall. This is why I haven’t been updating my blog. I feel like I have nothing worthwhile to share.

So, enough of my excuses. Here are some good things going on around here:

Ursa Bear's hair grew back. She looks cute again. She's also become my friendliest goat. She head butts me for petting.

She has also learned to play! Callisto is very happy about that.

Callisto has grown a ton! She can jump up onto the top of the chicken houses.

And will be as big as her mom soon.

Eris is now our biggest goat and just so cute.

Asparagus is still doing good!


Jennifer said...

If your a garden failure then what am I?? I think maybe next year we should fence in our gardens. I'm willing to help you- if you help me.. We can use pallet wood and figure something out.. Don't let the future weigh on you- You have friends even when you think you don't. :D

Linda said...

I felt that way this year as well Christy and why I did nadda with gardening. I am not restless as in wanting to pursue a new career, but I want to continue to pursue my homesteading desires. I felt like giving up, but I know I have dreamt about this too long to quit... hang in there!

Deb said...

We have a lot in common :) My youngest is 15 and a sophmore this year. I've been farming for 20 years and am now ready to do something different. I'm tired - winters in the NE as you know are tough and keeping a huge bunch of animals takes the life out of you. I've cut way back on critters and am now trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. College has crossed my mind - not sure what I want to do. I'm going to see a vocational councelor....perhaps it might be something you want to do? At least I'll know where my life experience will help me the most and find a job I like and pays decent $$.

Best of luck to you - don't feel bad about the homestead and the garden. It's been a miserable gardening year for everyone - even the old timers are complaining how their crops dried up and hay is going to be in short supply again all over the country.

Keep us posted - one thing for sure; we can inspire each other and that makes a huge difference in my life!

Deb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
linda m said...

I think everyone has a few "garden failure" stories to tell this year. My tomato plants did very well but the flowers are another story. They were a miserable failure and lets not even get started on the weeds. You were not a failure, the weather just didn't cooperate. I know ours sure didn't. As for being restless, I think just about everyone I know is going through something like that. I think Deb has the right idea about talking to a counselor. I too wish I could find a different line of work. I dream of having a job I love doing instead of one I hate (but makes money). Hopefully someday I can. Please don't give up on your homesteading dream. You have had that dream for too long to give up on it because of a couple of bad years due to rotten weather. I just know that you will succeed at it.

Christy said...

Mom, I worry that the bad weather may be the norm of the future. I will figure it out, I'm not giving up. It just has me a little down.

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

I missed you! See you do have some good stuff to share...and even the not-so-good stuff isn't so bad...and just makes you human.
And seriously, just be grateful you don't have the really really bad stuff to share, like I've had the past two weeks....ER anyone?


Carrie said...

I think it was a bad year for ALL of us in the garden arena. We thought we'd be moving as I type this so we didn't plant much. What we did plant, we let go. My family's normally very productive garden just failed and that's how they make their money! The heat and the downpours and then NO RAIN didn't help.

I thought I'd be starting a teaching certificate program myself but that didnt' pan out so I'm delayed another year. Sigh. So much is going on and yet I feel like we're spinning our wheels. It's bound to improve.

Don't stress it too much. You've got a ways to go before your son is moved out! Focus on one thing you want to improve at a tme and do that one thing for a while. Get your focus and your drive back.

Good luck!

Unschooler said...

I've been thinking for awhile now that we should start a gardening "club". Not sure about all the particulars, but going to each other's gardens and helping each other out. Maybe you know how to do something I don't, and I know how to do something you don't. Plus the social aspects of it would be nice.

You are NOT a failure,

I have not failed. I've just found 10000 ways that won't work.
Thomas Edison

Life is a learning experience, that is for sure, failure is all part of it.

As far as the restlessness, at 55 I really don't have that much restlessness. I just want to stay put and turn my yard into the vision in my head, LOL. My dh always wants to move though, so we will see what the future brings.
How about a degree in horticulture??!!!! I'd love to do that or a degree in entomology :-). Hang in there Christy, it will all work out.

Amy said...

Oh honey {{{{HUGs}}}

Seems the consensus is more and more are moving to the "Square Foot Gardening" raised bed type gardening. Try getting the book and look into it, it's the method I am going to use for sure. I'm in a bit of dilemna about when we get our own place and land finally. I'm nearly 45 now, and at this point it will be 6-9 months, maybe a year, before we have a "farm". I just don't know if I want all "that" work. I know I want chickens and a garden and a couple of goats. I just think I want the goats more as pets and maybe to breed some, just not the work of milking, etc. I am coming to the conclusion that I think I really want to support local farmers and buy our fresh beef and raw milk local. That way, we get the health benefits, but not all the work, and it helps locals(and still know where our food comes from). We want a little land, because we want some space, but beyond that, we may have more of a fun farm than an work farm.

I'm in college to get my degree in web design (started college for the first time at 44yo). Even without a farm, reading and doing papers is a pain, but dh helps me because he knows I will be happy when I am done.

So, any time you'd like to talk, shoot me an email through FB or regular email anytime :-)

Christy said...

Thanks for the support!

Lisa- I haven't read your blog in awhile, I'll jump over and see what is going on. I hope everything is ok!

Leslie - a gardening club would be great!

Amy - I think your idea is good. I wish I had a smaller place now and could do the animals just as pets. I feel a lot of pressure to make this place succeed as a working farm since I dragged everyone here. But is isn't what I want. I lovr my animals but feel trapped by them sometimes.

linda m said...

Why don't you just do what is "necessary" and forget the pressure of a "working" farm. You have a beautiful place with a lot of open land. Let it just stay "open" (and "wild") and enjoy only that part of it that you want to use. Have a smaller raised bed garden instead of the big area. Maybe have fewer animals and then just as pets (with a couple of hens for eggs). I don't think you "dragged" anyone there; they seem to really enjoy the openness as much as you. And Mark has a place where he can pursue his astronomy hobby. Maybe you are being a little too hard on yourself and trying to do too much all at once. Take some time off for yourself and do something nice for yourself. A little pampering never hurt anyone.

CeeCee said...

It seems as though many of the women in the blogs I read have had a rough summer. Just the stuff of life, but tough all the same. I'm included in that group.
I hope you get it all ironed out. Hang in there!

Teresa said...

I hate that restless feeling. It seems this was a tough year for a lot of people. Sometimes, it's good to just take a break and let the ideas ferment for a bit before making a huge commitment. Or you could just commit to something and jump in so it's too late to back out!

Maile said...

Hang in there sis. I think you are just experiencing life, in all its wonderful confusion. I dont know anyone who thinks they have it all figured out, and your place is restful and peaceful no matter if its a farm or not.

Sometimes we have to try things on for size, only to realize they dont fit just right, but it doenst mean we cant alter them so that they fit perfectly. All it means is you need are still in the process of growth and life and figuring it all out.

Gail said...

It has been dry, hot, buggy and miserable...how can the garden survive? It has been rough every where. I have seen bugs this year that I have never seen.

You are not a failure! You have done a great job.

I would never attempt to milk a goat and yet you have, day after patient day.

Don't give up, do it for pleasure and not in large doses. You have it figured out.

I have heard many that are tired and restless.

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up! The answer will come to you when it is time.

Amy Manning said...

Welcome back. Sigh. Garden failures for me this year too. But garden failures this year typically mean success in the future years.

Kelly said...

Hi Christy! Summer is about over, the days are getting shorter. I see you have had a busy summer. I felt your pain when you spoke of Farmers Lament. Some days it just doesnt pay does it? Got to take the good with the bad. I have days just like you described.Then, there are the ones that make it all worth it. I see you had the same discovery about Facebook as I did, its like a condensed version of everyone you can read without taking hours out of the day. Going to friend you now over there on Facebook :)Dont beat yourself up too much about the garden. Only thing I got was cucumbers. What the tomato horn worms didnt eat up the peafowl ate on the tomatoes, none left for me.

Gail said...

You are not a failure!!! You have accomplished so much in such a short time, I amazes me.

Don't hang it up yet!