I'm feeling down and discouraged today. I try to keep this blog positive for the most part but today I'm not feeling it. I started this blog a year ago tomorrow with the goal of recording our search for our farm, moving to our farm and our successes and failures getting everything set up and going. A year later, nothing has changed. I'm still in this suburban neighborhood where I can feel the neighbors closing in on me. I literally feel like I'm suffocating!
I'm usually able to stay positive, staying focused on my goals and trying to take a step everyday to get closer to those goals. I've been focused on learning everything I can now before we get to the farm so I can then focus on getting the animals set up and going. If all the other stuff is already established I won't have to think of any of that. But I feel like I'm running out of things I can do and learn here. I'm beyond ready for the next step!
I think the reason I'm feeling particularly down today is because one of my closest friends moved yesterday. Back in April she was talking to me about how unhappy her husband was at his job but that he didn't have any other options in this area. I suggested they might want to consider moving to another area. At first she was opposed to the idea but after talking to her husband more she encouraged him to send out resumes. Within a few months he had a job in Michigan and had moved out there to get started and settled in. My friend and the kids stayed behind to sell the house and get everything packed. They moved for good yesterday. I'm happy for them but it also upsets me. I've been wanting to move for almost 2 years and my friend who didn't want to move at all has moved in 8 months and I'm still here with no move in sight. We are no closer to a move than we were a year ago.
It also doesn't help that over the past few months I've been feeling a sense of urgency to get to our farm and get things going. I feel like the future is looming over me and I'm not ready for it. I've been having dreams almost nightly about not being ready for things. I don't think we can survive what I believe is coming in this house. We don't even have a fireplace that we can actually use!
I've been focused on staying positive and being thankful for what we have now. I've been trying to live life as if we already have our farm and trying to keep my thoughts focused on my dream. I've been trying to bring the Law of Attraction into play. But I have to admit it has been getting harder and harder as time goes on. It is very hard to be focused on a goal that you have no control over.
So tomorrow I will be back to focusing on the positive and being thankful and all that, but for today I'm going to let myself feel down.
Edited to add: I'm feeling a little better already. My mostly outside cat came in this morning because it is really cold out and she is lying on the floor playing with a toy mouse. I haven't seen her play in over a year! Something about going outside seems to take the playfulness out of a cat. So it is a joy to see her playing!